Some days later from the day when I completed three-month coaching sessions with great relief, I was unexpectedly faced with the passing of my beloved dog, named Audi.
Imagining his death even for a short moment had only put me into the state of fear when he was alive, but actually the last few hours I spent with him using Animal Reiki were very calm and peaceful moments, which I will not forget forever.
I am going to write about this event that led me to an awareness of trust and letting go, as well as the experiences of giving him Animal Reiki at the very end of his life.
After my last coaching session was over, I was feeling very tired and wanted to relax at home.
I went to see how my 19.5-year-old dog was doing, being surprised to see how fragile he had become compared to the day before.
As I heard that he had no appetite since that morning, I intuitively felt this might be serious, so I decided to spend the whole afternoon with him.
It was a beautiful sunny afternoon, and when I took him out to the balcony as usual, I noticed that he was no longer able to stand up.
I gave up on trying to get him to walk, and instead placed him on my lap, looking up at the sky.
Shortly after that, I was dozing off and basking in the sun with him.
After coming back inside the house and giving plenty of Animal Reiki to him, I felt even sleepier and stayed in bed with him.
For over a month, I had been sleeping with him almost every night, waking up a few times, and as a result I was not getting much sleep.
I was also chronically sleep-deprived due to fatigue from work and having coaching sessions.
Taking a nap with him without thinking about anything else, I was filled with a sense of relief and happiness.
The next day, his condition was still bad, but I was still hoping for a miraculous recovery, as had happened before.
However, he gradually began to have difficulty in eating and urination, and I came to think that perhaps it would be time to "let him go."
Some words from my coach at the final session echoed within me.
"Everything has yin and yang; there is no intrinsic good or evil. However, we tend to want to judge everything.
In contrast, when we enter a world where yin and yang are integrated, our emotions and the flow of events become more neutral.
At this point, we connect with ourselves, achieving a centered, grounded, and balanced state.
Our consciousness is in the present moment, accepting things as they are without judgment.
From that perspective, life isn't a series of ups and downs that appear positive or negative.
Rather, we can see every event (even things that seem negative) as a meaningful part of the process and sense the underlying universal love."
My realization at the final session also echoed within me.
"I thought I wanted to control things because I felt I had to change them somehow, which finally led to my stress."
The biggest finding from the last coaching session was that I finally realized that everything happened for a reason and that I had done nothing wrong from the beginning.
Although I had devoted myself to feeding and assisting my dog for urination, wanting him to live even one more day, the effect of these efforts gradually diminished, and I realized that this was really hard for myself and him.
At times, I sometimes had a thought that if I accepted things as they were, I might be able to let go of these efforts.
Nevertheless, I wanted him to stay with me as long as possible, and I never imagined that "the time" would come so soon.
Four days after the final coaching session, eating and urination were finally becoming difficult, and I called my vet for advice.
It was after work, being cold and dark outside, and I meant to take him to the vet on the next day if necessary, but the vet told me to bring him in now.
After a brief examination, the vet noticed that my dog's body temperature was already very low, saying that he might "go" that night.
I took him home without asking the vet to extend his life, warming him with hot water bottles, and giving Animal Reiki.
I was remembering the time when I did reiki with my hand placed on the sacrum to my grandmother who was critically ill.
At that time, the pulsation of her sacrum became intense, and I kept doing Reiki with my hand stay there for two or three hours.
As a result, she recovered and spent about 10 days before she passed.
Remembering that experience, I placed my hand on my dog's sacrum while holding him.
At first, his body was cold and not moving.
Even though I thought it might not be possible for him to recover, I continued with Reiki, hoping to sleep with him one more night.
After about an hour, his body warmed up, and the pulsation in his sacrum became more intense, just like with my grandmother.
Gradually, his head began to move, and he began to make noises. The noises then turned into barks.
After about two hours, I was sweating all over.
My cat, being besides us, was watching me and my dog with a solemn look on its face that I had never seen before.
After feeling my Reiki would be enough for him for now, I stopped and gave him some water.
And then he urinated and defecated, which he hadn't done any that day.
As he seemed to be getting temporarily recovered just like my grandmother, I decided to sleep next to him.
My family also went to bed, feeling relieved.
A few hours later at midnight, I noticed that his breathing was heavy, but soon I went back to sleep.
The next time I woke up, his breathing had calmed down. When I touched his muzzle, it was warm enough.
I felt relieved and fell asleep, shaking hands with him.
I told him in my heart that I wanted to spend more time with him, and it seemed like he felt the same way.
When I woke up in the early morning, I touched his throat and felt a slight movement, so I thought he was OK, but this would have been his final sign.
A little later, I became worried and touched his muzzle, which was cold and still.
He looked perking up after receiving Animal Reiki but actually would have been just mustering up his last bit of strength to drink water and urinate in order to relieve us all and spend another night with me.
Today marks three weeks since then.
I owe my Reiki skills to him, having received my Reiki every night for the past 15 years.
He used to bark at night and had some behavioral problems, but with the practice of Reiki, he showed such behaviors less frequently.
I think his problems would have been a reflection of my stressful state at that time.
After starting to learn Reiki, my therapies gradually shifted to energy work.
A few years later, I happened to rescue a kitten from the street who approached me noticing Reiki energy I gave to him.
And last but not least, my dog taught me a final lesson with regards to my experiences of receiving coaching sessions.
At the beginning of the coaching session, I set a vision of being filled with joy.
To get closer to that vision, I was committed to spend 10 minutes each day with my dog as a practice to "feel joy in the present."
During the time when my stress started to increase from coaching sessions, I had an opportunity to recognize how precious the time with him was.
As a series of coaching sessions became towards the end, I noticed my own pattern of trying too hard, which was hard to be released until the very end: I kept pushing myself too hard, being unable to stop it.
In the final session, I finally understood what "trust", "going with the flow", and "letting go" were like.
In order to support my understanding, it seemed my dog was teaching me by showing me how he was at the last moment.
And I also learnt from him how important the sacrum was, which is the powerhouse of generating life force.
Thank you, Audi, for all your support throughout your life, and I will make the most of my learnings from you.